There’s a line I came across years ago that’s stayed with me:
“Always be very wary of people who go out of their way to tell you how spiritual they are, either through their words or their actions.”
It might sound a bit cynical at first. Surely it’s a good thing to talk about spiritual growth? To share what we’ve learned? To be open about our beliefs?
Sure, but that’s not what this is about. It’s not saying you can’t talk about spirituality. It’s a reminder to be careful around people who need you to know how spiritual they are.
There’s a difference between someone living a spiritual life and someone who is performing one.
Being vs. Looking
Real spirituality isn’t a costume you put on or a prop you carry. It’s not speaking in a hushed, wise-sounding voice or sprinkling ancient quotes into every conversation.
When it’s genuine, spirituality is quiet. It’s something you live, not something you advertise.
When people make a point of showing you how spiritual they are, whether it’s through their words, their clothing, their carefully staged social media posts, or their public rituals, it can be a sign that the ego is running the show.
And as we all know too well, the ego is a tricky little thing.
The Spiritual Ego
The ego doesn’t disappear when you start meditating, chanting, or reading sacred texts. If anything, it can just change clothes. One minute it’s chasing career success, the next it’s wearing a robe and posting inspirational quotes online.
This “spiritual ego” loves being admired, listened to, and treated as special. It might:
- Talk constantly about how “awake” they are
- Judge people who aren’t “on the same level”
- Turn conversations into little lectures
- Name-drop gurus, retreats, or practices for status
- Offer “help” that’s more about them than you
That’s not spirituality, it’s a performance. And sometimes, it’s a business.
When Actions Speak Just as Loud
You can see the same thing in behaviour.
Some examples of this are:
- Adopting a certain voice or “presence” when people are watching
- Making sure their practices are noticed and admired
- Dropping hints about their meditation routine or diet
- Wearing the “uniform” of spirituality
None of these things are bad in themselves. The question is: are they doing it because it’s meaningful to them, or because they want to be seen as spiritual?
The Unremarkable Beauty of the Real Thing
The people I’ve met who I’d call truly spiritual rarely use the word “spiritual” about themselves. They’re not interested in creating an image. They’re too busy living in a way that’s grounded and decent.
You might see it in someone:
- Caring for a sick family member without complaint
- Sitting quietly with their own grief
- Finding peace in small, daily tasks
- Admitting when they don’t know something
- Showing up for others when it’s inconvenient
It’s not flashy. In fact, it can be downright boring to watch. But it’s real.
A Zen Reminder
Zen puts it bluntly:
“If you meet the Buddha on the road, kill him.”
It’s not about disrespect. It’s about letting go of clinging to appearances, even sacred ones. If someone is working too hard to look enlightened, they probably aren’t.
The goal isn’t to appear awake. It’s to wake up.
Caution, Not Distrust
This doesn’t mean everyone who shares a spiritual quote or wears a mala bead is faking it. It just means not everyone who talks about spirituality is doing the inner work it requires.
The best way to tell? Pay attention to how you feel around them.
Do you feel safe, understood, and on equal ground? Or do you feel judged, belittled, or like you’re an audience member in their one-person show?
Turning the Lens Inward
And of course, we’re not off the hook either. It’s worth asking:
- Do I talk about spirituality to impress?
- Do I ever put on a “spiritual” image?
- Can I let go of the need to be seen in a certain way?
These aren’t questions to beat ourselves up with. They’re just ways to keep ourselves honest.
In the End
The people I trust the most on the path aren’t the loudest about it. They’re not chasing followers or titles. They’re not curating their image.
They’re just living it, quietly, steadily, and without needing a round of applause.
They’re not trying to be seen. They’re just trying to see.
